my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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