My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm both gender and math confused
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