I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
