I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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