Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
