i would punch a child for taco bell
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize