I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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