my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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