Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
