You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
