you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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