You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
