I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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