It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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