My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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