The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
