he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
