hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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