He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize