Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
