Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
