Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
