I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize