you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize