Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
