dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
