i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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