Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
