never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
