I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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