Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
