What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
