he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
