3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
