I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I FOUND THE LEGS
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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