the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
