I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
