I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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