There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
