Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
This is the high leading the old right now
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Enjoy the penises
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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