then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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