I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
