She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
