Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
