I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
