why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
