Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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