omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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