I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Randomize
