The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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