Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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