Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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