just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
