Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
