I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
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