you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
pray to the hookup gods
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
