Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
