what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
