Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
