we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
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