Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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