I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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