dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
