i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize