hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
