Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
