I cannot find my penis.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
