Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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