Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
