At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Did I show you my penis last night?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
