shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
